enigma
by tatty ted
Summary: Lauren Henderson nee Fairhead takes the new F2 position at Holby City Hospital. What is meant to be a new start for Lauren quickly turns into a nightmare when she finds herself raped, not once but twice. Now she has no choice but to move on but can she? Can Lauren really leave the trauma behind or will she end up doing something she regrets? - —OC.
1. i

**enigma**

I was sat on the bus staring out of the window watching the rain droplets run down the window and sighed deeply. The only day I decide not to take the car to work is the one day I forget my umbrella and the one day it decides to rain.

Today was my first day as a Foundation House Officer at Holby City Hospital and I was nervous as hell. It had been seven years since I had last set foot in the hospital and even that was under circumstances that even now, seven years later are still hard to think about. I knew a lot of stuff had changed, I mean what stays the same in a seven year time period?

Seeing the signs for the hospital, I pressed the bell and stood up from my seat and walked down the aisle. When the bus came to a stop, I thanked the bus driver and got off the bus standing under the bus shelter. Looking at my watch I took in the time and smiled to myself. I was half an hour early for my appointment which for me was good. Usually, I found myself late for everything.

Sighing as I looked at the rain pouring down, I knew there was no way it was going to stop in time for my appointment so I decided to get myself wet. Wrapping my coat tightly around me, I began to walk in the direction of the hospital.

By the time I arrived I was dishevelled. My clothes and coat were soaked through and sticking to my skin and my hair, which was curled and neatly looking only an hour ago was stuck to my head in clumps. I certainly did look presentable this morning until the heavens opened although you wouldn't think it now.

Approaching the main entrance, I felt the knot tighten in my stomach and after a few deep breaths and a brief conversation with myself; I walked through the doors leading into the hospital. On arrival, it was busy but what hospital wasn't busy during the day?

Looking around, I felt more nervous than what I had done a couple of seconds ago and as I walked towards the desk in the middle, I nervously began to chew my lower lip. Standing in the line, I took out a small pocket mirror and tried _and failed _to make myself appear more presentable.

When I reached the front of the queue, I looked at the male receptionist, smiled softly and said; "Hello, I'm here to see Mr Jordan, he's expecting me but I'm a little early."

He smiled gently, "You must be Doctor Henderson, I'm Noel the Receptionist, if you'd like to take a seat, I'll let Mr Jordan know you've arrived." Thanking him, I walked over to the seating area and sat down. Crossing one leg over the other, I placed my handbag on my lap and took out my phone. Checking to make sure I had no messages, I turned my phone off and placed it back in my bag.

"Lauren? What are you doing here?"

Hearing a familiar voice, I looked up. "Hello Dad."

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><p><strong>an**: so a bit of a cliffhanger, who do you think lauren's dad is?  
>if you like it enough to favouritealert, please leave a review with it.


	2. ii

**chapter two;**

Moving my handbag from my lap and placing it on the empty chair beside me, I stood up and hugged my father.

"I could ask you the same thing." I said with a smile, "Didn't you tell me you weren't working today?"

He laughed and I sat back down on the chair. Crossing one leg over the other, I watched as he sat down beside me.

"There was a mix up with the rotas. You told me London."

I smirked, "Well, if I told you Holby it wouldn't be much of a surprise would it?"

"No, I guess not." We sat in silence for a couple of minutes before I asked, "How's Megan and Louie?"

"Megan's good thanks, she's running rings around me as usual. Louie, I haven't spoken to him recently." He sighed deeply. He looked sad that his only son never bothered to keep in regular contact. Squeezing his arm, I said gently;

"He's a grown man now Dad, you've got to let him make his own mistakes."

He just nodded, not verbally saying anything. I sighed and glanced around the hospital before he asked me how Jasmine, my step-daughter was. Nodding, I answered that she was fine and she had just begun her final year of school.

Just as he was about to say something else, a youngish looking female nurse called out that Tess wanted him in cubicles. He looked at me and I told him to go. He was about to walk away when he turned back and told me he'll buy me coffee and I laughed and told him I'll hold him to it.

I was the first born child and only daughter of Charlie Fairhead and Baz Samuels. I was concieved in 1986 after my parents became _friends with benefits_, honestly, it's more trouble than what it's worth. Charlie was a bit of a charlie, no pun intended and my mum was a single, young Doctor; no wonder she didn't want me.

Not that I've ever held it against her.

I was supposed to be aborted but dad found out about it and stopped her. He proposed to her and told her he would make a home for them. She accepted his marriage proposal and I guess that's how the story ends.

Well almost. Three years after I was born, my mum and dad decided to expand our family. Along came Louie in 1989. Although there was three years between us, we were quite close, I was far too protective according to my father. Everything was fine until I was eighteen and Louie was fifteen.

Mum died in a car crash and her death hit me the hardest.

"Doctor Henderson?" A voice broke the trail of my thoughts and as I looked up, I saw the man from Reception, "Mr Jordan's ready to see you now. If you wait a couple of minutes, I'll have someone take you there."

"Thank you." I whispered before I lent over, picked up my bag and stood up. Hitching the bag over my shoulder, I followed Noel over to the reception desk and lent against it, feeling the knot in my stomach return.

Taking a couple of deep breaths, I steadied myself when a young, handsome nurse walked towards me.

"I'm Jay Faldren, I could show you the way to Mr Jordan's office if you like."

Smiling, I extended my hand and said, "Lauren Henderson, nice to meet you. Thank you."

He shook my hand and I couldn't help but notice he had nice eyes. They were a nice shade of hazel and he wasn't bad looking either. Shaking my head, I knew I shouldn't be checking out the male nurses, I'm a married woman.

But there's no harm in flirting right?

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><p><strong>an**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review with it.  
>oh i forgot to mention, this is slightly au especially when talking about charlie and baz's past.<p>

thank you to meggi and hannah for taking the time to review the previous chapter.  
>all reviews that are recieved are much appreciated. THANKYOU :D<p> 


	3. iii

**chapter three**;

As he showed me the way to Mr Jordan's office, there was a comfortable silence between us.

"How well do you know Gramps?" He asked eventually breaking the silence between us. I looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Gramps?" I repeated before it occurred to me he may have been talking about Charlie, "You mean Charlie?

"Yeah." He replied and I shrugged my shoulders; "Friend of a friend."

"You must have some old friends gorgeous." I laughed but didn't correct him that Charlie was actually my father.

After all, some things were best left unsaid_ for now_.

We stopped outside an office door and he told me this was Mr Jordan's office. Turning to him, I thanked him for showing me the way and I heard him answer that it was no problem and heard his footsteps disappear down the corridor.

I looked back at the door. The plaque read, _Mr N. Jordan, Clinical Lead _and I knocked on the door, worrying about my sticky and sweaty palms. Hearing a gentle voice telling me to come in, I took a deep breath and opened the door.

I felt like I was back at school, standing in front of the Headmaster for breaking the school rules and I bit the inside of my mouth before telling myself to get a grip and not to show I was too nervous.

He gestured for me to sit down and I sat down on the chair that was opposite his desk and I couldn't help but notice the overflowing piles of paperwork. I wondered how he could work in such conditions.

He began to explain to me why he chose me for the job, rather than the sixty-nine that had applied with me. He told me it was due to my commitment, my enthusiasm and my personality which would make me a unique member of the team.

I thought I'd get on with the team after all, they seemed alright.

He talked to me about some more stuff, mainly to do with rules and regulations then stood up and told me to follow him. I stood up from the chair, picked up my bag and followed him out of the office. I hitched the handbag over my shoulder and he led me back to the place where I was earlier, except we went through another set of doors.

"Listen up everyone!" He shouted and everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at him.

"This is our newest member of the team, Doctor Henderson." I smiled softly as I felt their eyes on me, watching me; "Make her feel welcome. Oh and Mr Trueman, would you kindly show Doctor Henderson the ropes for today?"

So Mr Trueman introduced me to the rest of the team. There's Charlie Fairhead, my father who's the Senior Charge Nurse. Tess Bateman who's the Ward Sister followed by Jay Faldren and Mads Durrani who are both Staff Nurses, Kirsty Clements who is a Senior Staff Nurse and Linda Andrews who works as Clinical Nurse Manager.

Then there's Adam Trueman, Zoe Hanna and Nick Jordan who were all Consultants of Emergency Medicine. Ruth Winters and Dylan Keogh are the Trust Doctors and Lenny Lyons is in his first year of Core Training. Then there's Noel Garcia on Reception and Big Mac who's the hospital porter and Jeff and Dixie who are the Paramedics.

One big happy family? Possibly although I wouldn't count on me settling in straight away.

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><p><strong>an**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please review.

i've got a busy day tomorrow. up at five, on three buses. seven hours job training, three buses home. gonna be totally exhausted by the time i get home so if you don't get an update for a while, you'll know why.


	4. iv

**chapter four**;

I was assisting in cubicles dealing with a young girl called Hannah who had fallen off her bike and collided with a car and had a wound on her head.

"Any vomiting? Dizziness? Nausea? Difficulty balancing?" I asked only for the young girl to look at me with a confused expression on her face, "What?" She responded and I smiled and asked; "Have you been sick?"

"No."

"Good. Do you feel sick?"

"No."

I then asked if she had any difficulty balancing and she said she hadn't. I then asked if she had any blurred vision, being unable to focus on a certain object. If she was sensitive to light and seeing two of her mum.

She laughed at my rather lame joke and told me she hadn't had anything that wasn't normal.

"How about ringing in your ears? Any confusion? Disorientation? Crankiness? Tearfulness?"

I asked and the young girl pressed her lips together before she whispered, "I'm a little teary but that's only because my head hurts."

I nodded, "Okay Hannah, can you tell me today's date?"

"Today is.." She trailed off and I anxiously chewed my lower lip, "It's Thursday 9th September 2010."

"Well done. Can you tell me where you live?"

"17 Bellmount Road, Holby."

"Thank you Hannah, you've been very helpful." I smiled at the young girl before I told her that I'll have to go for a little while but I'll be back soon. She asked me when her mum would be back and I told her she wouldn't be long.

I thought for a couple of minutes about what I should do and as I walked up to Adam I said gently, "She seems fine to me but shall we keep her in for twenty-four hours observation just to be on the safe side?"

"It's your call Doctor Henderson." He told me not looking up from the computer.

I nodded my head and smiled, "I guess that means I'm going to have to phone round for a bed."

I walked off heading towards the phone and dialled the number to the Children's Ward. Hearing the phone ring, I held the phone to my ear and waited for someone to answer. Eventually on the seventh ring, a young male answered the phone.

"Hello, it's Doctor Henderson here from the Emergency Department. I have a young patient here who fell off her bike, collided with a car and substained a slight head injury. So far she seems stable and hasn't had any unusual symptoms but I'd like to keep her in for twenty-four hour observation just to be on the safe side."

After much debating and arguing, the young man finally said they had a bed available and with a smile, I told him I'll have her taken up in the next half an hour. Putting the phone down, I walked back towards Adam who was still by the computer.

"Are you going to treat any patients today Doctor Trueman?"

I noticed a small smirk on his face, "Doctor Henderson did you get a bed for young Hannah?"

"I did indeed. I'll have her taken up in the next half an hour."

He nodded, "Good work, but how did you get a bed so quick?"

"It must be my charm Doctor Trueman." I answered with a smirk as I walked towards cubicle seven. Glancing back at Adam, I could've sworn he was watching me and I pulled open the curtain and walked in.

"Hello Miss Morton." I said as I noticed Hannah's mother had returned from using the pay phone, "I'm Doctor Henderson and I've been treating Hannah. She's recieved a small bump to the head and although everything seems fine at the moment, we are going to admit her overnight just to keep an eye on things."

"But everything is okay?" Her mum asked and I nodded, "She's perfectly fine. You know how careful we are with children."

I smiled, spoke to Hannah for a little while and once I finished updating her notes, I called Big Mac over and asked him if he could take Hannah to the Children's Ward. As Big Mac pushed the trolley, I waved bye to her and smiled.

My first patient was easy, let's hope it stayed that way.

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><p><strong>an**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review.  
>sorry for the delay in updating, my internet connection is a retard. :0<p>

oh and yes, hannah the patient is named after G_illian Kearney Fan_.


	5. v

**chapter five;**

Well, it didn't go as well as I had hoped.

I had a broken wrist, a fractured ankle and a dislocated shoulder in cubicles. Then there was a motorway pile up involving a number of casualties, two that were dead on arrival, three critically ill and several with minor injuries. Then back in cubicles there was an old woman complaining of back pain, a middle aged man suffering from mild hypothermia and a heroin addict who wanted methadone.

I didn't think I'd ever feel as estatic to see the end of a busy shift as I had tonight. I got to the staff room, opened my locker and took out my handbag. Unzipping my bag, I took out my mobile phone, turned it on and checked whether I had any new messages.

_No new messages._

I sighed deeply and put my mobile phone back in my handbag. I turned around when I heard someone call my name and saw Adam stood with a big grin on his face.

"What?" I asked with a smile as I closed my locker and lent against it.

"Me and the others were wondering if you wanted to join us at the pub?"

I looked down at the floor and thought about it. Blake, my husband was probably at work and Jasmine was out, like every night so I'd only go home to an empty house; "Sure."

"Great! The others are outside."

I smiled, "Adam?"

He turned around, "Yeah?"

"Thanks for inviting me." I said and he told me it was no problem. I took everything out of my locker and went to the girl's bathroom. I changed out of my work clothes and put on a bright blue pair of skinny jeans and a red top with _hey!_ written on the front.

I put on my silver locket that my father had brought me a couple of weeks after my first birthday and wore a pair of silver hoop earrings to complete the look. Checking my reflection in the mirror, I walked out of the toilets and met the others outside.

"You look nice." Jay said and I smiled, "Thanks but I feel like a scruffy cow."

I linked my arm through his and we followed the others to the pub. We were going to the local, The Plough and I was a little nervous. After all, it was my first social meeting outside of work with the team.

"So, what you having gorgeous?" He asked as we reached the pub. I thought for a minute, there was always too many nice alcoholic drinks to choose from and I could never decide which one I wanted."

"I'll have a double vodka and coke. I'll give you the money when you sit down."

I smiled as I watched Jay walk towards the bar and turned around making my way over to the tables everyone was sat down at. Sitting down, I put my handbag beside me, crossed one leg over the other and took off my jacket.

A short while later Jay came back with my drink and I took my purse out my bag, he shook his head and told me this one was on him. I smiled, thanked him and brought the glass to my lips. Taking a sip, I placed the glass back on the table.

Tonight was going to be a night I'd remember forever, but not necessarily for the right reasons.

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><p><strong>an**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review.


	6. vi

**chapter six**;

I had a good night with everyone even if I didn't drink much. I was the third sober person out of the group of us, Tess and my father being the other two. I was glad that I wouldn't be the one with a hangover in the morning.

Zoe, Adam, Jeff, Dixie and Jay all had a game of shots. Adam won which wasn't that hard seeing as he always did shots and Zoe came a close second. Jay was utter rubbish at the game and I couldn't help but laugh at him.

At about half one, the others thought it was best to make a move. Most of them had a shift in the morning!

"Be safe, text me when you get home." My father told me and I rolled my eyes, "Yes father." I replied with a smile as I hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek. It doesn't matter that I'm married and a step-mother to one, my father still worries about me.

I sat down at the bar beside Jay and he asked if I wanted another drink.

I shook my head, "No I'm alright thanks." I smiled, looked at him for a second and then gazed at the bar instead. He ordered himself another pint and as he paid for it, he kept watching me from the corner of his eye.

There was a silence between us, "So?" I began.

"So?" He repeated and I blushed. There was another silence again before he told me he thought I was beautiful. I blushed before I smirked and told him he was drunk and he didn't mean it. He lent forward and whispered in my ear all the things he'd do to me if he could.

I felt the heat reach my cheeks and bit down on my lower lip. We looked at each other and I couldn't help but notice how soft his lips looked. He must have read my mind because at that second he lent forward to kiss me.

"Lauren is that you?"

I sighed, opened my eyes and turned my attention to the idiot who had shouted across the bar. My eyes fell upon my old school friend Malick who also happened to be an ex of mine from High School. Standing up, I walked towards him.

"Well, if it isn't Malick. Long time no speak."

He wrapped his arms around me and I hugged him back, "How long has it been? Ten years?"

"About that yeah." I said as I looked back at Jay. He had finished his pint by now and I noticed he had picked up his jacket and he walked towards us. He kissed my cheek and told me to text him when I got home. I rolled my eyes, "Yes. I will do. Night Jay."

He said night and as I watched him leave the pub, I sighed deeply. I turned my attention back to Malick, "So, what you doing with your life now?"

"Not a lot, run a clothing business down in Brighton; what about you?"

"I'm a Doctor." I told him with a laugh, "Told you I would be."

"How are your parents?" He asked and I sighed, "Dad's good thanks, mum died in a car crash when I was eighteen. How's your parents?"

"Oh god sorry." He replied, "They're good thanks for asking. Oh, how's that brother of yours?"

I rolled my eyes, "Don't get me started on him. He's got a kid now, you know."

"What? Seriously? But he's only..what twenty-two?"

"I know, the best thing is, he doesn't even see her. Left it up to our dad to look after his off-spring."

"Let's hope he comes to his senses. Can I get you a drink?"

"Sure, I'll have a Bacardi and Coke, thanks."

And he walked towards the bar before ordering the drinks. Due to the fact my back was turned on him, I didn't notice him putting something in my drink before he brought them to me.

"Here you are." He said as he handed me my drink, "Thanks." I said as I took a mouthful of the drink. I noticed he had a strange look in his eyes as he handed me my drink but I didn't think he'd harm me. We were old school friends right?

Well, I'd find out what was wrong in the next couple of hours.

* * *

><p><strong>an**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please review.  
>sorry for the delay in the updates. been rather busy with work:)<p> 


	7. vii

**chapter seven;**

The next thing I remember was waking up, face down on a hotel bed, naked and alone. The room was a total mess, everything was destroyed and I had no idea where an earth I was. The last thing I could remember was been at the bar with Jay and not touching alcohol.

I slowly got off the bed and began to search for my clothes. It didn't seem real, it felt like a dream. Like I was underwater, everything was hazy and I couldn't really recognise anything. I found my clothes, they were in a pile by the door and I picked them up and got ready.

I kept looking around the room trying to find my mobile phone but I wasn't sure that once I had got it, who I'd call. There was no way I could call my husband, he'd go mental at me and it's not like I could call my father either.

I found my phone in the bathroom with all the pieces taken out. With a shaky hand I attempted to put my phone back together and when I did, I turned it on and flicked through my contact list trying to find someone I could call.

There wasn't anyone.

Once I was ready and made sure I had everything, I left the hotel room. I didn't know where I was or how I had even got here but I knew, I had to get away from here and remember what had happened last night.

There was one question in my mind but I wasn't a hundred percent sure of the answer.

Had I been raped?

* * *

><p>I went home and was relieved to find an empty house. Blake had left me a note explaining that he had taken Jasmine to school and that he had to go and buy a few stuff from town.<p>

I locked the front door behind me, threw my bag down at the bottom of the stairs and ran up the stairs towards the bathroom. I got to the bathroom, turned on the shower and tore off my clothes and got in.

The minute the water droplets hit me, I began to cry. I should never have accepted Adam's invitation to go to the pub last night, if I didn't, I would've gone home and I would have been safe.

I picked up the sponge and the soap and began to scrub my skin until it was red raw and sore. I just had to get rid of the smell of him. I had to make sure that there was nothing disgusting left on my body.

I washed my hair and turned off the shower, got out and wrapped a towel around me. I walked out of the bathroom and went to the bedroom and my eyes fell on my clock on the bedside table.

"_Oh shit_." I thought as I realised I was two hours late for my shift in the Emergency Department.

* * *

><p>I ran through the doors of the Emergency Department over three hours late for my shift and who did I bump in to?<p>

No other than Mr Nick Jordan.

"It's nice for you to join us Doctor Henderson." He said and I muttered my apologises about the car not starting and having to call out the mechanic. He seemed to accept my poor excuse because he didn't question it.

I went to the staff room and was putting my stuff in my locker when I heard somebody come into the staff room and they walkd towards me.

"Lauren?" I took off my coat and put it in my locker before I turned around, my eyes falling upon my father. I then remembered that I was supposed to text him the minute I got home to let him now I was safe.

"Oh sugar!" I began, "Sorry about last night, I was so tired when I got home last night that I collapsed on the sofa and fell asleep. Sorry."

I closed my locker and kissed his cheek, "I'm safe so you don't have to worry."

As I walked towards the door, he answered; "I know you didn't go home last night."

I turned around, tears building up in my eyes and I bit my lip slightly. I couldn't tell him the truth could I?

He'd hate me...

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><p><strong>an**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review.  
>will lauren explain to charlie why she didn't go home last night or will she lie?<p> 


	8. viii

**chapter eight;**

_( he's going to hate me. His only daughter is a slut. It brings shame on the family. )_

I bit my lower lip as my eyes connected with my fathers. A single tear rolled down my cheek and as he stepped forward to wipe it away. I flinched and I noticed the look of hurt in his eyes and I couldn't stay in the room any longer.

I opened the door and ran out of the staff room but not before I whispered sorry to him. As I ran towards the girls bathroom, I collided with Adam sending his patient files flying across the floor.

"Lauren?" He said but I ignored him. I couldn't stop and help tidy them up, I couldn't let anyone see me cry. I reached the bathroom and ran into a cubicle, locking the door behind me.

I slid down the wall and tucked my knees to my chest before bursting into tears. Perhaps it wasn't a good idea for me to come into work today, maybe it was best if I stayed at home and phoned in _sick._

As I was crying, I heard the bathroom door open and I tried to stop myself from crying but I couldn't. There was a silence for a minute before I heard a gentle voice call my name, "Lauren?"

I wiped away the tears down my cheeks before I answered, "I'm fine! Just leave me alone, please."

"Lauren, what's wrong?"

"Nothing!" I lied. The truth was, everything was the matter and I desperately wanted to tell someone but I couldn't. They'd judge me and tell me it was my fault for going off with him.

"I'm having a bad day." I elaborated, "But other than that, I'm fine!"

I heard her sigh and I stood up before unlocking the door. I opened it slowly and my eyes fell upon Zoe. Concern was etched in her face and I bit my lower lip as I walked towards the sinks.

"Don't look at me like that." I told her as I sighed.

"Lauren-" She tried again but I cut her off, "Just leave it Zoe! I'm fine."

There was an awkward silence between us and I sighed deeply before apologizing for snapping at her. She told me it was fine and then told me if I ever needed to talk to someone, I could go to her.

I smiled a little and thanked her before she left me alone in the bathroom. I turned on the cold tap, cupped some water in my hands and splashed it on my face, trying to get rid of my mascara lines that had settled on my cheeks.

When I had sorted myself out and made myself look a bit more presentable, I decided to go out there with a smile.

Everything was fine, well almost. I couldn't help but notice how everyone kept watching me, wondering if I was going to "break" again. They didn't need too. I was fine. I wasn't going to _break _again.

Until that one patient arrived.

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><p>"This is Matthew Craddington, twenty-seven years old. He's got a slight head wound, three broken ribs and a fracture to his left leg. Pulse is a hundred and twenty, blood pressure is ninety over fifty and GCS is thirteen."<p>

We were in Resus and I was putting a IV line in when Dixie whispered in my ear that he was a convicted sex offender. When I heard those words, I dropped the line and stepped back.

"I'm not treating him." I said before I even thought about what I was saying, "I refuse too."

"Doctor Henderson, we're not here to judge!" Mr Jordan told me and I looked at him and laughed.

"It's easy for you to say. He didn't rape or abuse your child did he? There should be a policy, not to treat scumbags like him and let the bastard die."

"Get out Doctor Henderson!" I made eye contact with him and I turned around, "I'll be glad too."

As I walked out of Resus, Charlie grabbed my wrist, "Lauren, what an earth are you playing at?"

I shook my wrist free and stepped back; "Leave me alone before I do something I'll regret."

He didn't say anything and I walked towards the bathroom again. When I was inside, I stared at my reflection in the mirror before punching the mirror. As it shattered and the glass shards cut my skin, I found myself feeling calmer.

Looking down at my bloodied hand, I started laughing.

I'd make the bastard pay for what he did. It was just waiting for the right moment to strike.

* * *

><p><strong>an**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please review.  
>right - i'm off on holiday on saturday so this is probably the last update until i get back.<br>don't be worried though because hopefully, when i'm on holiday, i'll write some more chapters.


	9. ix

**chapter nine**

I was sat cross-legged on the bed, the curtain drawn too and I was waiting for my wound to be stitched up.

It's quite fascinating how a small shard of glass can do this sort of injury.

The curtain opened and my father stepped in, closed the curtain behind him and sat down on the bed.

"Lauren?"

He called and it was only then that I got a flashback from last night.

* * *

><p>"<em>Did anyone tell you how beautiful you are?" He said as he gently took a strand of hair from her face and tucked it gently behind her ear.<em>

* * *

><p>Once the flashback had ended, I was shaking and I bit my lower lip hard making sure I didn't burst into tears.<p>

"Lauren?" He called again and I just looked at him, my brunette eyes connecting with his, "Please talk to me."

I shook my head at his question. I could never tell him what was wrong I knew he'd hate me.

"I can't." I whispered, "I'm sorry."

He sighed but didn't ask anything else. He then stitched up the wound on the palm of my hand, just comfortable silence between us. When he had finished, he wrapped a bandage around my hand before telling me I should go home.

"I've got work to do dad."

"You're not going to be much help with a cut hand are you? Go on I'll tell Mr Jordan."

I smiled a little, "Are you sure?"

"Yes." He kissed the top of my head like he did when I was younger. Sometimes I wish I could go back to been a young girl when you didn't have to worry about anything.

I uncrossed my legs and got off the bed and wrapped my arms around my father. I smiled gently and whispered thank you.

I walked out of the cubicle and headed towards the staffroom. When I got there, I walked over to my locker, opened it and took out all my stuff. I slowly put on my coat, picked up my handbag and closed the locker before leaving the staff room.

"You off already Doctor Henderson?" Noel said as I walked past reception.

"Yes." I laughed a little before showing him my cut hand, "I'm not much help with this am I?"

"See you tomorrow."

"Bye Noel."

I walked out of the hospital and headed to my car. Unlocking it, I opened the driver's side door and got in.

Closing the door behind me, I rested my head on the steering wheel and sighed deeply.

Everything was getting ten times harder.

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><p><strong>an**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please review. (:


	10. x

**chapter ten**

I got home and pulled up on the drive. I noticed straight away that Blake's black Range Rover was there so I knew he was at home. He never went anywhere without his wheels. He worked two jobs, one as head of Security and the other as a Bouncer.

We met actually, when he refused to let me enter a club for been too drunk. I liked the look of him so I did what every girl did, I gave him my number. Truthfully, when I had sobered up in the morning; I didn't think he'd call me.

But he did and we arranged to meet up. When we did, I found out he was thirty-two with a eight year old daughter. His wife had died from cancer three years before and I told him about the recent death of my mother.

To me, the fourteen year age gap didn't matter. It didn't bother me either that he had a daughter, if I was going to take my friendship with Blake any further, I knew I had to accept Jasmine first. And that's what I did.

First we started dating and then we had a proper relationship and two years ago, we got married. To me, age is and always will be a number.

I parked my silver Mercedes Audi and turned off the engine. I stepped out the car, took my belongings with me and closed the drivers side door. Looking up at the house, I sighed softly and made my way towards it.

Blake and I didn't live in a big house but it was big enough for the three of us. It had five bedrooms, three of which had their own en-suites, two bathrooms, a study, a living room, a dining room, a kitchen and a massive garden. I guess you could say this was our dream house when raising children, if you get what I'm saying.

Unlocking the front door, I opened the door and stepped into the house.

"Blake?" I called before I saw him stood at the top of the stairs with a pair of grey tracksuit bottoms and no tee-shirt on. I smiled at him and put my handbag down on the bottom stairs.

"I thought you were working today?" He asked as he walked down the stairs. I nodded my head as I took off my coat and held up my banaged hand.

"I'm not much help with this am I?"

He took my hand in his and shook his head, "I always told you, you were a clutz."

"I'm not a clutz." I added with a smile. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my cheek. As he did, I took a deep breath. Although I knew he'd never hurt me in a million years, the thought of any man touching me made me physically sick.

When he broke the hug, I smiled gently and walked into the kitchen. He followed me and asked if I wanted a cup of tea. I told him I'd love one as long as I didn't have to make it. I sat down at the breakfast bar and crossed one leg over the other.

"Are you working tonight?" I asked as I bit my lower lip.

He turned on the kettle and turned to look at me, "Sadly. Seven till two, why?"

"I just wondered, I can never remember when you're working and when you're not."

He just laughed and took two mugs out of the cupboard. As he did, we both heard the front door open and close. Jasmine, Blake's daughter and my step-daughter walked into the kitchen and threw her bag onto the table. As she walked towards the fridge, I found myself looking at the clock.

"Aren't you supposed to be at school?" I asked.

Jasmine opened the fridge and took out a carton of orange, "Double free." She said as she unscrewed the lid, "I was thinking about going out into town with a few mates. I'll be home for ten and yes, I'll text you."

She took a swig out of the bottle and Blake replied; "What about your coursework?"

"Chill out dad, I'll do it when I get back." She took another swig of orange juice.

"Fine and Jas, do you realise how disgusting I find that?"

"Yeah, that's why I did it." She smirked, screwed the lid back on the carton and put it back in the fridge. As she walked past, she picked up her bag and left the kitchen.

When she had gone, I sighed deeply. Blake, truth be told was a major push over. He hardly told Jasmine off for anything even if she was cheeky or broke the rules we both set. I just hoped that by the time Blake and I had children, he'd have toughened up a little.

I looked at him and I knew what we were both thinking. Was she skiving school? It wasn't the first time she had come home and claimed she had a double free period but neither of us wanted to believe she was lying to us.

However, before we had chance to say anything, a blood curdling scream filled the house.

* * *

><p><strong>an**: oh eek, i'm back with the cliffhangers. (:  
>if you like it enough to favouritealert, please leave a review.


	11. xi

**chapter eleven**

Blake and I ran up the stairs, half expecting to find Jasmine murdered on the bedroom floor. Blake reached her bedroom before I did and as he pushed open the door, he found Jasmine stood on a box in the corner of the room, screaming her head off.

"Jas, what's the matter?" He asked before he spotted what made her scream.

On top of the bookcase was a massive spider and Jasmine whispered, "Please get rid of it dad."

He walked towards the spider and picked it up with his bare hands. He threw it out of the window and turned back to Jasmine and told her it was gone. I could relate to the screaming and crying whenever I saw a spider. If Blake was home, I'd scream until he rescued it or if I was alone, I'd hoover it up.

To be honest, I don't know why I hated spiders so much, it could be because they have eight legs and move in all directions. Blake and I left Jasmine in her room and we went back into the kitchen. As I sat down, he passed me my cup of tea and sat down beside me.

"Are you happy?" He asked me and I looked up, my eyes meeting his.

"I'm the happiest I've ever been with you." I smiled softly, "Why?"

"I just wondered. If you ever left me for someone your own age, I wouldn't hate you."

He sighed deeply and I looked at him before I got off my seat and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Blake? Where's this come from?" I kissed his cheek, "I love you whether you're twenty-five or thirty-nine. You and Jasmine, you're both my family."

He turned around and looked me in the eye, "I guess I'm feeling old. Look at you, you're young and beautiful and—"

"And I'll always be yours." I pressed my lips against his and he deepened the kiss. He ran his hands up and down my body before he looked at me, that look of lust in his eyes.

* * *

><p>"I'm sorry." I whispered as I lay on my back staring at the ceiling.<p>

He shook his head and pulled me into a hug. I tried to get out of it but I couldn't and reluctantly, I rested my head on his chest. We had tried to be intimate but when it came to it, I completely froze and now I felt bad.

"Don't worry about it." He told me and kissed the top of my head.

Tears began to stream down my face and I burst into tears. He heard me crying and sat up. Wiping the tears that I was crying from my cheek, he asked what the matter was and I looked at him and bit my lower lip.

I shook my head and told him I didn't want to talk but he wouldn't let it go.

"Lauren, talk to me."

I brought my knees to my chest and started shaking as I got another flashback.

* * *

><p><em>"Have another drink?" He suggested and she nodded. He brought her another double vodka and coke laced with GHB and slid the glass across the table. She picked it up and innocently took a sip unaware of what was in the drink.<em>

* * *

><p>"Lauren, you're shaking." He whispered and grabbed hold of my wrists. As he did, I began to scream but he refused to let go. The more I screamed, the tighter he held onto me and I had to get him off me.<p>

And I did.

I head-butted him, my forehead making contact with his nose. It began to bleed and he let go off my wrists. I got up, found my clothes and redressed myself, refusing to look in his direction. I couldn't believe I did that. I had hurt my husband, the one man I loved.

"Lauren?" He called but I grabbed everything and left. As I slammed the front door closed behind me, I sat down on the steps and tucked my knees under my chin. Staring into space, I wondered how I could sort out this mess before someone else got hurt.

* * *

><p><strong>an**: oh dear, will lauren ever tell anyone what's happened?  
>if you like it enough to favouritealert, please leave a review with it :)


	12. xii

**chapter twelve**

I was a mess. I really didn't know what to do. Everyone at work knew there was something wrong, Blake knew there was something wrong and I knew it wouldn't be long before someone tried confronting me.

I was dying to tell someone, after all don't they say a problem shared is a problem halved? But I couldn't trust anyone enough to tell them. Everyone judges you! They might not say anything to your face but behind your back, the whispers begin.

_( it's her own fault. / she shouldn't have gone with him. / she shouldn't have accepted a drink. )_

As I stood up, I decided to go for a walk to clear my head. I pulled my coat tightly around me and ran a hand through my brunette locks and satisfied that I looked half decent, left the grounds of my house.

As I walked to town, I couldn't help but notice the little details I hadn't taken notice of before. Take the gargoyles on the buildings and the chewing gum stuck to the paving stones. When I reached the main part of town, I was shocked by how busy it was.

I found a cafe nearby and I pushed open the door and stepped inside.

I walked over to the counter and ordered myself a hot chocolate. Handing the man behind the counter the correct change, I took my plastic cup and walked over to the table by the window. Placing my cup on the table, I pulled out the chair and sat down.

I was sat staring out of the window for hours, just watching life pass by when I noticed Malick walk past the window. He noticed me because for a split second, our eyes connected and I felt a shiver run down my spine.

He turned back and walked towards the cafe. I knew I should've gone but I was frozen in fear.

"Hey." He said as he walked towards the table, "Didn't think I'd see you again."

"Don't _hey _me!" I hissed, "Just get away from me!"

"What've I done?" He asked as he reached over and grabbed my hand.

I snatched my hand away and answered, "You know what you've done. You _raped _me!"

He started to laugh, "You've got it wrong. You might have been drunk but you were still gagging for it."

I stared at him, anger and fear filled my body and I threw my hot chocolate over him, "Fuck off!"

He stood up, the hot chocolate dripping off him and laughed again, "You've just made the biggest fucking mistake of your life."

He went for me. He grabbed my arm, his nails digging into my skin and dragged me out of the cafe. To strangers, we probably looked like a couple having an argument which wasn't uncommon. I tried freeing my arm but he was too strong.

"Get off!" I screamed and he smirked. He whispered in my ear that he enjoyed violating me the other night and I'd have fun being taken advantage off again.

"You sick, fucking bastard!" I slapped him hard across the face with my free hand and I saw my chance to escape. I started to run, crashing into things and people as I did. I couldn't stop though, if he caught me now I really would be dead.

But what if I couldn't escape him?

What if he harmed my family?

* * *

><p><strong>an**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please review.


	13. xiii

**chapter thirteen**

I didn't get away from him for long. I got to an empty park and actually thought I was free from him. I lent against a wall attempting to get my breath back and he stood in front of me, a sick smirk on his face.

"You've just made the biggest mistake of your life, bitch!"

He slapped me hard across the face and tears stung my eyes. I touched my cheek and stared at him. At that very second, he grabbed my har and dragged me into the trees nearby. Throwing me down on the ground, he climbed on top of me and grabbed my wrists.

"Quit struggling, otherwise it's going to get ten times worse."

I spat in his face and he glared at me and punched me. I could hear a faint pop and next minute, blood was pouring from my nose and down my face. I got one of my arms free and scratched his cheek. If I was going to die, I was bringing him down with me!

He took off his belt and tied my wrists together, making it easier to him. I stayed still after that, I didn't want him to kill me. I was only twenty-five. He took out a kitchen knife from his pocket and held it to my throat.

"That niece of yours is very pretty." He whispered into my ear and I looked at him, anger and fear in my eyes.

"You wouldn't?" I told him, "Touch her and I swear, I'll rip your balls off. You dirty, fuck—"

I gasped as he pressed the knife deeper into my throat. He smirked as the skin broke and began to bleed. He moved the knife down my body and stopped it on my stomach.

"If you promise to be nice I'll untie you." He told me as he undid the button to my trousers and took them off. He then pressed the knife into my thigh and smirked.

"But, if your naughty, I'll do more than tie you up."

I agreed to be good. I told him I wasn't going to be naughty and I'd let him take whatever he wanted. He smiled, kissed me softly on the lips and told me I was a good girl. He untied my wrists with the belt and when he had, he put his hand down below.

I closed my eyes as he entered me roughly. With every thrust, pain shot through my body and I closed my eyes and told myself I was doing this to protect my family. Megan didn't deserve to get hurt because of me. Nobody did.

As he was violating me, he kept telling me how much of a beautiful body I had. He told me he preferred me awake and he looked seeing the pleasure in my eyes as he took away my dignity. I didn't reply. I just kept my eyes closed.

With one final thrust, he groaned my name and stayed still for a minute.

He stood up and I opened my eyes. He was stood above me, zipping up his trousers and he bent down next to me. I flinched as he moved closer and whispered in my ear;

"Remember, your beautiful, fuckable niece."

He kissed me one last time and laughed as he left me alone in the dark area. I just stared into space for what seemed like ages but in reality was only five minutes or so. I picked up my jeans and my underwear, pulled them on and walked out of the forest in a daze.

I had to tell someone, if I didn't I knew he'd rape me again. I took out my phone, found the one person I could call and pressed the call button. As I held the phone to my ear, I listened to it ring and hoped she'd answer.

* * *

><p><strong>an**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please review.  
>- not a lot of chapters left of this story, i think another five or so.<p> 


	14. xiv

**chapter fourteen**

It seemed like a lifetime has passed by the time she answered the phone.

_"Hello?"_

I took a deep breath and thought carefully, "Hi Duffy it's Lauren."

_"Oh. I wasn't expecting a phone call from you."_

"I know, it's been a while. I'm sorry." I paused, "I was wondering—could I stay with you for a couple of days?"

_"Sure, it'll be nice to see you again. Is everything okay?"_

I was silent for a second or two, "Not really but can I explain when I see you?"

_"Sure. I'll see you later, yeah?"_

I nodded, "Yeah. Oh and Duffy?"

_"Yes?"_

"Thank you."

_"You're welcome."_

I said bye and hung up the phone. Putting it back in my pocket, I left the woods and I knew I looked a mess. I didn't want to go home, get changed and wash away all the evidence like I had done the other day. I was still in two minds whether to report him for raping me or not.

I got the train station and asked for a ticket to Colchester. The train would take three hours and forty-five minutes to get there, changing twice in London. I'd roughly get there for twenty-two minutes past seven.

I took my ticket and walked towards the platform. The train would be arriving at platform seven in ten minutes so I knew I had plenty of time to pop to the cafe and get myself a hot chocolate.

I ordered a hot chocolate and stood aside as the woman behind the counter served another customer. I looked at my platform making sure the train hadn't arrived as I'd been in the cafe and was grateful when it hadn't.

The woman from behind the counter handed me my hot chocolate in a plastic cup and as I turned to leave, I heard the gentleman over the tannoy that my train would now be arriving at platform six.

It was a good job I was on platform six with my hot chocolate otherwise there would have been no way I would have got to the other platform in time. I got on the train and found a seat by the window.

This is going to be a long journey, I thought as I stared out of the window.

* * *

><p>I arrived at Colchester at half past seven and it was dark and cold. I rubbed my hands up and down my arms attempting to get warm and I left the train station, slowly walking towards the taxi rank nearby.<p>

I stood in the queue and was glad that it didn't take too long to get a cab. As I got in, I bit my lower lip as I saw the taxi driver was a man.

"Where to love?" He asked with a rough accent.

"Nineteen Grange Road please." I replied.

"Alright." He turned on the price box and left the taxi rank. I looked out of the window watching everything pass by and tried to ignore the feeling of sickness in my stomach.

Not only were my palms sweaty and my heart was racing but I actually thought the taxi driver would hurt me. I knew he wouldn't. He wasn't a sick bastard like him.

Thankfully, the journey didn't take ages and in under fifteen minutes I had arrived. The total fare was five pounds eighty pence, but I gave him a ten pound note and told him to keep the change.

Putting my hand on the door handle, I opened the door and stepped out of the cab. Staring up at the house, I waved the taxi driver off, took a deep breath and slowly made my way towards the house.

As I stood at the front door, I knocked on and hoped she was home.

* * *

><p><strong>an**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please review.


	15. xv

**chapter fifteen**

I stood outside the house in the dark and folded my arms across my chest. I noticed a shadow through the glass come to the door and heard her unlock the chain. The minute she opened the door and I set eyes on her, I burst into tears. She hugged me tightly before she took me into the house and into the living room.

"Sit down. I'll be back in a minute." She told me as I perched on the edge of the sofa.

It seemed ages until she came back in, two cups of coffee in her hands. She placed them both on a counter on the coffee table and sat down beside me. I smiled weakily, wiped the tears that were rolling down my cheeks and picked up the cup. Cradling it in my hands, I took a sip and thought about breaking the silence between us.

"What's wrong?" Duffy asked, her face full of concern and I sighed.

I was about to answer that it was nothing major but she replied that I never usually came to her unless it was a _big _problem and I never usually cried. I chewed my lower lip slightly as I put the cup down on the coffee table.

"I've had a bit of trouble."

"What kind of trouble?" She asked and I made eye contact with her briefly and then looked at the floor.

"With a lad." I mumbled, "He—you know."

She looked at me and touched my arm. There was a silence for a minute before she asked, "Are you saying what I think your saying? Did he—"

She trailed off and I nodded, muttered yes and burst into tears for a second time. I ran out of the living room and I went to the one place I knew I'd be safe. Closing the door behind me, I locked it and slid down the wall, my knees tucked under my chin.

I wasn't alone for long when I heard a gentle knock on the door.

"Lauren, were you raped?" She asked gently.

With the back of my hand, I wiped away the mascara lines that were running down my cheeks and whispered, "Yes."

"Do you know who by?"

"Yes." I whispered, "He was an old school friend but—"

"No buts Lauren, it's not your fault." She told me. She told me I hadn't done anything wrong and he was the one who should feel bad and not me because I was the victim. I didn't believe it though. It was my fault!

I was the one who accepted the drink, I was the one who went home with him.

I was just as guilty as him!

"No! Your wrong! It was my fault I shouldn't—"

"Lauren, you didn't ask to be raped." She answered back and I shut up. She was right. I hadn't asked to be raped but why did I still feel so guilty? I heard her sit down on the other side of the door and there was just a silence between us.

"When did it happen?"

I was silent. I couldn't tell her just a couple of hours ago, "Lauren? Has it happened more than once?"

I chewed my lower lip hard and whispered, "Yes."

"When?"

I stood up and put my hand on the lock. As I unlocked the door, I pulled the door open. Staring at Duffy, I took a step towards her and whispered that he had raped me twice, once the other night and the other being a couple of hours ago.

She pulled me into a hug and whispered that it was going to be okay. I shook my head and told her it wasn't, he had threatened to hurt Megan if I didn't do what I was told and I was scared he'd go through with his threat.

Little did I know he was already planning his next attack on someone too close to home.

* * *

><p><strong>an**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review.  
>tbf, i think there's way too much dialogue but it's relavent i think :|<p> 


	16. xvi

**chapter sixteen**

* * *

><p><strong><em>Back home in Holby<em>**

Jasmine groaned as she slammed her hand down on the alarm clock and wrapped herself up in her duvet. It was just gone seven and she knew she had to get up now otherwise she'd never get to school on time.

She sat up, pulled the duvet off her and got out of bed. Making her way over to the door, she took her dressing gown that was hanging on the back of the door and put it on. Tightening it around her body, she opened the door and left the bedroom.

The house was quite which was unusual and Jasmine felt a bit uneasy, like something wasn't right. She tip-toed to the top of the stairs and slowly made her way down them.

"Dad?" She called as she heard a glass break in the kitchen, "Lauren?"

She got down the stairs and went into the kitchen. There was a figure standing over another on the floor and Jasmine froze in fear. The figure walked towards her and it was then that he brought the knife into view.

"Your step-mum is gonna wish she never messed with me!"

He hissed and pressed the knife into Jasmine's throat, "Me and you were going to have some fun."

And he dragged her by her hair into the living room. All Blake could do was drag himself to the phone and call for help and pray it came before the monster attacked his daughter. Holding the phone with blood stained hands, he dialled nine-nine-nine and pressed the phone to his ear.

_"Hello, what service do you require?"_

"I need an ambulance.." He whispered, taking deep breaths.

_"Okay." _

The phone rang for a second when another operator answered and asked what his emergency was_. _Blake replied that he had been stabbed and that the man was still in the house and was with his daughter. He told them the address and told them to hurry.

He could feel himself getting tired and losing consciousness but he knew he couldn't. He had to stay alive for Jasmine and Lauren. It was only then when he was thinking of Lauren that he realised she didn't come home last night.

He dragged himself to the kitchen door before he heard the gentle sobs of his daughter. He closed his eyes and prayed that the monster hadn't touched her. She came back out of the living room, covered in blood and holding the knife in her hands.

"Daddy.." She whispered as she knelt down beside him. He opened his eyes and smiled a little at his daughter. He knew himself he didn't have much time last.

"Jas—I—love you—tell—Lauren—love—her—too." He whispered, closing his eyes.

"Daddy, I love you two. Your not going to die, I won't let you die."

"Be—good—for—Lauren. She's—not—all—bad." He whispered again and took one last deep breath. She knew he wasn't breathing after that as she stared at his chest, hoping for it to rise and fall but it never did.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Colchester<em>**

I woke up in a bed, in a strange house. Initially I thought I had been taken by Malick again but the memories off last night came back to me. The rape, the train journey and ending up here. I sat up in bed, the duvet wrapped around me and I looked at the clock.

It was only gone seven but it felt much later and I got out of bed and straightened myself out. I held one end of the duvet and made the bed, proping the pillows up. I was about to make a phone call home when I heard a knock on the door.

"Come in." I called. The door opened and Duffy walked in.

"Sleep well?" She asked and I shrugged my shoulders, "It was alright."

She nodded. She understood what I meant. I smiled a little and she asked if I was doing anything today. I told her I was probably going to ring home and let them know I was safe and spend the rest of the day wondering what to do.

"Nobody knows your here?"

"Yeah. I—I couldn't.." I answered and chewed her lower lip a little. It felt wrong not to inform them that I was going away for a few days but to be fair, letting them know wasn't top of my list last night.

"I think you should talk to someone, someone who understands—"

"You understand." I replied and made eye contact with her.

"Your right, I do understand what your going through but please, just talk to someone."

I promised her I'd talk to someone. She told me I'd feel better once I had. She left me alone after that. I lay down on the bed and looked at the clock. It had just gone fifteen minutes past seven so I decided to ring home.

Picking up my phone off the bedside table, I went through my contacts finding the house number. Pressing the call button, I pressed my phone to my ear. It rang for ages and ages before the answering machine came on.

_"Hi, you've reached Lauren, Blake and Jasmine. We're not in at the moment, leave a message and we'll get back to you. Bye."_

I had an uneasy feeling. It was unusual for Blake or Jasmine never to answer the phone but I left a message anyway, "It's Lauren. Sorry I didn't come back last night, I stayed at a friends house. I'll be back in a—"

The message was suddenly cut short and the phone was answered, _"L—Lauren, it's—it's dad."_

I recognised the voice as Jasmine and I wondered what was happening, "Jas? What's the matter?"

_"Dad's—been—hurt. A—m—m—man, stabbed him. Laur—he—he.."_

She trailed off and I had a feeling I knew who was behind it, "Jasmine darling, have you called an ambulance?"

She said that she had and that they were here. I asked her to ask what hospital they were taking him too and she said Holby. I told her that I'd be there as soon as I could and that I loved her and everything would be okay.

The line went dead and I looked at my phone and hated myself.

He had hurt my family, he'd gone through with his threat and this was all my fault.

* * *

><p><strong>an**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review.


	17. xvii

**chapter seventeen**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Colchester.<strong>_

I put the phone down on the bedside table and felt sick. If I had just listened to him none of this would've happened, this, all this was my fault! I ran to the bathroom, slammed the door closed behind me and knelt beside the toilet.

Throwing up, I emptied the contents of my stomach, wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and stood up. Flushing the chain, I walked over to the sink and stared at my reflection in the mirror.

The colour in my cheeks had gone. My face was pale and I had dark bags under my eyes. I was losing weight, barely eating; just the thought of eating made me feel nauseous. I turned on the cold tap, cupped water in my hands and splashed it onto my face.

Turning off the tap, I left the bathroom and went back into the bedroom. Picking up the phone off the bedside table, I left the bathroom and closed the door behind me. Slowly I walked along the landing and reached the top of the stairs.

Sitting down on the top step, I put my head in my hands and began to cry.

If only I hadn't come here, everyone would be safe. Why didn't I listen to him?

"Lauren?" I moved my head and looked at Duffy, my eyes red and puffy, "He, he's hurt them."

"Who?"

I looked down at the steps and whispered the name that sent a chill down my spine and made me physically sick.

"Malick." I paused, "My—" I couldn't even bring myself to say _rapist _and I began to cry again. She walked up the stairs, sat down beside me and pulled me into a hug. As she ran a hand up and down my back, she whispered it was going to be okay.

_( but it wasn't. it was going to get worse. )_

* * *

><p><strong><em>Holby.<em>**

"This is Blake Henderson, thirty-nine years old. He's been stabbed multiple times, once in the neck, twice in the chest and twice in the left arm. He was unconscious when we got there, GCS is fourteen, BP is fifty over seventy and pulse is sixty."

Jasmine walked behind the paramedics as they walked into the Emergency Department. She was still covered in blood from earlier when she stabbed her rapist and nervously fiddled with the silver braclet her step-mother had brought her one Christmas.

She wouldn't allow anyone to touch her, whenever someone did, she freaked out. She stopped in the middle of the corridor and glanced around, biting her lower lip as she wondered where to go.

Linda walked towards the young girl and whispered that it would be best to get her checked over. Jasmine was about to agree when the doors flew open a second time and another paramedic brought in Malick. She froze, her eyes fixed on him and the wounds she created.

"This is Malick Patel, twenty-six years old. He's been stabbed twice in the chest, lost a lot of blood and the scene and has lost consciousness twice. GCS is fourteen, BP is forty over seventy and pulse is sixty."

As he was rushed into Resus, Linda noticed how Jasmine froze when he was brought in.

"Do you know him?" She asked but Jasmine shook her head. As Linda took her towards a free cubicle she wasn't convinced Jasmine was telling the truth.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Cubicles<em>.**

Jasmine was been checked over by Linda when Linda spotted bruises on the top of the girl's arms. She didn't say anything at first but when she saw bruising on her stomach and thighs, she knew she had to mention it.

"Jasmine, how did you get the bruises?"

"None of your business" She answered. She sat with her knees tucked under her chin, staring into space. Linda knew there was something, something Jasmine was refusing to talk about. She had a gut instinct about this one.

"Anything you say will be kept confidential."

"Doesn't mean I have to tell you." She spoke back and sighed.

"Is there anyone you want me to call?"

Jasmine nodded, "Lauren, Lauren Henderson."

Linda nodded. The name didn't really ring a bell for a moment until she left the cubicle and thought. If that was Lauren's daughter, that meant her husband was in Resus. Linda sighed and walked towards the reception desk.

"Have you seen Charlie?" She asked Noel who shook his head, "Problem?"

"The man brought in earlier, the one with the teenage daughter?"

He nodded, "Yes." He answered, looking down at the pile of patient files that had been thrown onto his desk.

"It's Doctor Henderson's husband and daughter." Linda answered and he looked up. He said that if he saw Charlie around he'd tell him she was looking for him. Linda nodded and thanked him before returning to the cubicle.

As she pulled open the curtain and stepped in, she looked at the bed to find it empty and sighed.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Colchester<em>.**

"You don't have to come with me." I whispered as I sat in the passenger seat. Duffy glanced over at me and told me not to be stupid and I couldn't go home on the train in the state I was in.

There was a silence after that, none of us really knowing what to say. I just stared out of the window at the lovely scenery.

"How your father?" She asked and I turned to look at her.

"He's good thanks. Got his hands full looking after Megan who may I add, enjoys running rings around him."

"She sounds like she's got him wrapped around her little finger."

I started to laugh. It was true. Megan did have my father wrapped around her little finger, "Yeah she does."

"How's Louis?" She asked and I shrugged my shoulders. I hadn't spoken to him in months. The last time we had spoken, I had a fight with him. I slapped him across the face, told him to sort out his life and how disappointed mum would be with him.

"Oh, I haven't spoken to him in three, four months. He hasn't seen Megan since she was born. I told him that mum would be disappointed. You know how much she adored Louis and always thought he'd do her proud."

I sighed and made eye contact for a second, "Anyway, how are your three?"

"Their good thanks. Peter's just graduated University, Jake's going to University and Luke is still at home. I'm glad their older though, the house is a lot less hetic." She laughed and looked at the road. There was a silence again until I broke it asking a question.

"Do you find it lonely?" I asked and she glanced back at me, "Not really, it's quiet but not really lonely."

"Would you ever move back to Holby?" I questioned. She looked at the road and then back at me. She could tell from my cheeky smile why I had asked that question. She started to laugh and shrugged her shoulders.

"I've never thought about moving back, why?"

Now it was my turn to laugh, "Because—" I began, "Dad misses you, I miss you and I think Megan could do with a mother figure. Please consider it? I mean, home isn't the same without you. Pretty please."

"I'll think about it but I'm not promising anything."

She answered and I nodded. I just hoped she would come back, I knew my dad would be happy and Megan needed a mother figure and I could do with the support if I was going to report my attack. Afterall, she knew what I was going through.

* * *

><p><strong>an**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review.  
>for the next couple of chapters it's going to split between Holby &amp; Colchester. (:<p>

just to clear up a couple of things — i have no idea what Duffy's youngest son is called.  
>so for now, i've made it up. i'll probably find out at a later date &amp; change it.<p> 


	18. xviii

**chapter eighteen**

* * *

><p>When I arrived at the hospital, it was chaotic. Noel was rushed off his feet at reception and everyone seemed busy.<p>

I walked towards Resus, biting my lower lip. I hadn't recieved another phone call in over an hour which must have ment good news right? Blake wasn't dead? As I walked towards Resus, Jay saw me and told me to go and wait in the relatives room.

I sighed, nodded my head and agreed. There was no point in arguing, refusing to go. You may as well just sit there and think for the next ten hours. I reached the room, pushed open the door and walked inside.

As I sat down, I wondered how Jasmine and Blake were. It wasn't the first time Blake had been injuried, in fact I had lost count of how many stab wounds, broken bones and dislocations, he'd suffered. His reactions? It's all part of the job.

Jasmine. I had to see her, she'd be so scared. I was about to stand up when I heard the door open and Mr Jordan walked in. I looked at him, now scared about what I was going to be told.

"How is he?" I asked as he closed the door.

"He's stable, for now. He'll be going up to theatre in a couple of minutes."

I nodded slowly as I fiddled with my fingernails, "How serious is it?"

He seemed to pause for a minute, "Blake was stabbed five times in total. The two stab wounds to the arms were minor, however, the wounds to his chest and neck were the ones we were worried about. He lost a lot of blood and—"

He paused and I made eye contact, "Just tell me Mr Jordan, I am a Doctor."

"His heart went into VF five times. It really is touch and go Lauren. Now the surgery will try and repair the tissue damage and then he'll be transferred to ICU."

I nodded and stood up. As I did, my whole body went funny. I stepped forward only for the floor to bounce to the ceiling, spin and then darkness comsume me.

* * *

><p>I heard a voice but it sounded like it was a long, way away, a bit fuzzy even and I opened my eyes slowly.<p>

There was a figure standing over me and for a second it scared me, until everything came into focus and I realised I had nothing to be worried off.

Nick Jordan was holding my legs in the air and when he saw I was awake, let go of them and asked if I was ready to stand up. I nodded, took his hand and stood up.

As I stood up, I felt dizzy again and sat down on the sofa. It was a few minutes before I stood up again and felt a little better.

"Lauren. Are you okay?"

I made eye contact with Nick and smiled, "Yes. I just fainted that's all."

"You should get checked over." He told me and I shook my head, "There's no need, I'm fine."

"Lauren—" He began and I sighed, "Fine, I will."

* * *

><p>"Is there any chance you could be pregnant?"<p>

Zoe asked me and I looked at her. I knew it was part of the examination and shook my head.

"No chance."

There was a silence and I looked around the cubicle before catching her eye. She smiled a little and told me she'd do a pregnancy test to make sure I wasn't.

I nodded. It was just a routine procedure but I couldn't help but think about my last period. It was only for a minute and it dawned on me, I had missed one.

I wasn't worried though. You miss periods for all sorts of reasons, it didn't mean you were pregnant.

Right? _( wrong. )_

* * *

><p>Waiting for the results of the tests, I began to feel anxious. Now I knew how it felt to be a patient, constantly worrying about what the Doctor was going to tell you next.<p>

Jay came to see me. He popped his head around the curtain, opened it and closed it.

"How are you beautiful?" He asked as he walked towards the bed and sat down at the end.

"I've been better." I answered truthfully, "I'm stuck here and I'm worried about Blake and Jasmine. Thinking of Jasmine,can you get us some news on her? Please.."

He looked at me and nodded, "I'll see what I can do." He smiled, "Anything else?"

"Some grapes if you can stretch that far?" I laughed.

He got up off the bed and told me he'd be back in a couple of minutes. When he left, closing the curtain behind him, I lay back down on the bed and closed my eyes.

Although I wasn't left in peace for very long.

* * *

><p><strong>an**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review with it.  
>thanks to meggi for pointing out my error with the GCS in the previous chapter. (:<p> 


	19. xix

**chapter nineteen**

The curtain opened and Linda popped her head around before asking if I was awake. I nodded, answered I was and sat up. She walked towards the edge of the bed and I smiled and asked how she was.

"Fine thanks you? Jay said you wanted to know about Jasmine?"

I nodded. I was anxious to know how she was. The health of my step-daughter was the only thing that mattered right now,

"Please tell me she's okay?"

"Relax." Linda answered, "I examined her and she's fine. If anything she's just a little shaken."

I noticed something though, like she was trying to hold something back.

"Tell me." I asked, "Please."

"It's probably nothing but when I examined Jasmine, I found several bruises on her body especially on her thighs and the tops of her arms. When the second patient came in, I noticed she froze but she claimed she didn't know who he was."

I thanked her and told her I probably knew why she'd frozen when Malick was brought in. I didn't want to believe it though. Had he raped my step-daughter because I wasn't enough?

When she left, I felt the slight vibration of my mobile phone on my thigh and finding my phone, found out I had one message. Opening it up, I saw it was from Jasmine.

_Tell dad, I'm sorry. Love you both. xx_

I quickly sent a reply, _Where are you? xx_

I took a while for her to reply and as each second passed. I was worried. What if she was planning on doing something stupid?

_On the roof. xx_ She replied and I bit my lower lip, I needed to get up there.

* * *

><p>I got to the roof to find Jasmine sat at the edge. It was windy, the wind blowing her brunette hair around and I slowly walked up to the edge, careful not to scare her.<p>

"Jas?" I whispered as I got closer, "Can I sit down?"

I barely heard her reply but the nod of her head indicated that she agreed. I slowly sat down beside her, my own feet dangling down over the edge. I looked down and felt sick. It was a long way down!

"Jas, what's wrong?" I asked and looked at her. Her usually immaculate makeup had run down her face, leaving a trail of mascara lines down her powdered cheeks.

"Nothing." She answered, "I'm okay."

"You're on the roof." I pointed out. I heard her sigh and tell me I'd never understand.

"Try me." I answered back.

* * *

><p>There was nothing but silence for a minute before she looked at me,<p>

"Malick." She whispered, "He's only in hospital because of me. I stabbed him, it was me Lauren. I'm the reason."

I looked at my step-daughter and smiled softly. She frowned, confused to why I wasn't mad with her.

"Why aren't you mad at me?"

"Linda told me about the bruises Jas, Malick did them didn't he? He tried to rape you didn't he?"

She froze. She just looked at me wondering how I knew he'd tried to do that to her. She nodded her head, tears pooling down her cheeks, "I..I told him to stop but he didn't."

"And that's when you stabbed him?"

She nodded slowly and burst into tears. I wrapped my arms around her and ran a hand up and down her back whilst whispering comforting things in her ear.

* * *

><p>Breaking the hug between us, I stood up and offered her my hand. She looked up at me, took my hand and stood up.<p>

And together, we left the roof. Our relationship a lot stronger than before.

* * *

><p><strong>an**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review.  
>sorry for the late update, my muse took a short break. don't fear though, she's back :}<p> 


	20. xx

**chapter twenty**

Jasmine decided to wait in the relatives room for news on Blake whilst I went back to the cubicle to find out my results. As I approached the cubicle, I noticed Zoe looking quite concerned.

"I thought you had done a runner."

She told me as I sat down on the bed. I laughed and replied, "You can't get rid of me that easily."

There was a silence between us for a moment before I elaborated that I had a little bit of trouble with Jasmine. I looked at Zoe, trying to find something but as usual, she had a poker face.

"All the tests came back normal except one." She began, "The pregnancy test came back positive."

I chewed my lower lip, attempting to take in what she had just told me, "But it could be a false positive right?"

"It could be, so I'm going to run an ultrasound just to be sure. I'll be back in a couple of minutes okay?"

I nodded and it was only when I was left alone that I put a hand on my stomach and sighed. If I was pregnant, what the hell was I going to do?

Right now, after the rape and the stabbing of Blake; having a baby really wasn't the right time.

* * *

><p>She came back a couple of minutes later with a scanning machine and told me to lie down.<p>

I did what I was told, lay down on the bed and rolled up my tee-shirt.

"This is going to be cold." She told me as she put a blob of gel on my stomach. I breathed in deeply as the coldness travelled through my body and she picked up the scanner to spread the gel over my stomach.

I didn't look at the screen, I don't know why but then I heard her say, "I guess congratulations is in order, Doctor Henderson."

I turned back to her, a smile on my face.

Maybe, this baby could get me through it all after all.

* * *

><p>I held the little black and white photograph of our baby in my hand and stared at the body of my husband. He'd been out of surgery for an hour but he was still unconscious and the next forty-eight hours were crucial.<p>

Jasmine had gone to a friends earlier, telling me to keep her informed with her dad's progress. I told her I would.

I thumbed the photograph again and put it on the bedside table beside the bed. It was horrible, being along, wondering whether he was actually going to regain consciousness or not.

Especially now there was a baby on the way and we all needed him to wake up.

I stood up, kissed his forehead and told him I was going outside for a minute but I'd be back shortly. Outside the room, I took out my mobile phone and rang Jasmine, I had to tell her the news.

I pressed the phone to my ear and by the third ring, she answered with a soft hello.

"It's Lauren." I said gently as I paced up and down the corridor.

"Is Dad okay?" She asked, a hint of panic in her voice and I felt guilty.

"Yes your dad's fine, that wasn't why I was phoning."

"Oh." The line went silence except for her breathing down the phone, "What's the matter?"

"It's me." I paused, "I'm pregnant."

* * *

><p><strong>an**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave me a review.  
>woo, i've left it on a cliffhanger, i've missed them, please tell me what you think. (:<p> 


	21. xxi

**chapter twenty-one**

The phone went dead and I bit my lower lip.

I sighed thinking I had put my foot in it when my phone began to vibrate in my hand. The caller identification flashed up on the screen and I noticed it was Jasmine calling me back. Accepting the call, I pressed the phone to my ear.

"Look I can understand—"

She cut me off, "Look, I think it's great!"

"Pardon?" I said with a smile, "I just want you to know that you'll always be your dad's little girl and there's no chance that I would treat you and the baby—"

She cut me off again and her words made me even more happier, "I know you won't treat me any differently, you need to stop worrying." She laughed out loud before telling me that I should stop worrying and that she's happy for us.

"You are?"

"Yes Lauren, you and my dad, your both perfect together. And you, you're a great step-mum so stop worrying! Plus, added bonus or what, I've always wanted a little brother or sister, so it's all good."

I smiled. I asked where she was and she said she was on her way back to the hospital to see the alien. I laughed and told her I was with her father. She answered that she would be here in half and hour and that she'd see me soon. She put the phone down and I put my phone back in my pocket and went back into the room.

As I sat down on the chair beside the bed, I rested my head to one side and fell asleep.

* * *

><p>BANG!<p>

I jumped out of the chair to see Jasmine stood by the door, a smile on her face.

"Sorry." She whispered as she walked towards the bed. She put down a large Jane Norman bag full of clothes which she said she had brought for me. I thanked her, a soft smile on my face before she walked to the other side of the bed and perched on the edge.

"Can I have a look at the scan?"

I nodded, took the scan photo of the bedside table and handed it to Jasmine. She took it in her hand, looked down at it and studied it. After a brief silence, she handed me the photograph back and smiled, "What are you hoping for?"

"I don't mind." I answered truthfully, "As long as it's healthy."

She nodded, stared at her father and held his hand. Then she whispered something to him but I couldn't make out what it was. I looked at Jasmine and then back at Blake, put a hand on my stomach and hoped he'd wake up.

* * *

><p>It was another hour later and Jasmine stood up, telling me she was going to get a drink. She asked if I wanted anything but I told her I didn't. She turned around and was about to walk towards the door when I saw Blake twitch.<p>

At first I thought it was my eyes playing tricks on me and I turned to Jasmine, "Did you see that?"

She looked at me and was about to answer something when Blake opened his eyes. He blinked rapidly, the bright lights irritating his eyes. I smiled, in shock that he had woken so suddenly and said, "Blake?"

When he turned to look at me, he smiled.

"Jasmine, go and get a Doctor."

And as soon as Jasmine left the room to get a Doctor, several tears rolled down my cheeks. He was awake and alive, he was going to get better. I sniffed, wiped the tears rolling down my cheeks and laughed.

He was going to be okay.

* * *

><p><strong>an**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please review.


	22. xxii

**chapter twenty-two  
><strong>_(epilogue.)_

* * *

><p>Four days later, Blake was able to come home.<p>

It was tough for us to go back to the home where he was attacked and his daughter, my step-daughter was nearly raped. All three of us decided that it was probably best that we moved house, forgot the terrible memories and all that.

We sold our house and brought a new one nearer to the hospital.

Jasmine and I helped each other through the trauma of what happened with Malick. After a talk, (almost a heart to heart) we both agreed to tell the police. We did and we were shocked to discover that Malick had previous convictions for rape.

Malick was eventually sentenced to six years in prison, allowing Jasmine, Blake and I to move on with our lives.

And that's we were planning to do. Jasmine, Blake, the baby and I.

* * *

><p><strong>an**: the shittest epilogue ever.  
>two reasons i cut this short, one because nobody reviewed anymore &amp; two, lauren was beginning to bore me.<br>thank you for those who read & reviewed, it means an awful lot to me. :D


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